The Pirates! Band of Misfits aka The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists! rated PG

I had been keen to see this picture after watching the preview for it awhile back.  It looked funny to me.

In this pirate adventure we meet The Pirate Captain (voiced by Hugh Grant) and his crew including Pirate With a Scarf (voiced by Martin Freeman), The Albino Pirate (voiced by Anton Yelchin or Russell Tovey depending on which version you are watching), The Pirate with Gout (voiced by Brendan Gleeson), The Surprisingly Curvaceous Pirate (voiced by Ashley Jensen), The Pirate who likes Sunsets and Kittens (voiced by Al Roker or Ben Whitehead depending on which version you are watching), and their beloved "parrot" Polly are roving the high seas doing what pirates do best.

The Pirate Captain desperately wants to win the Pirate of the Year award but to do that he will have to beat out Black Bellamy (voiced by Jeremy Piven), Cutlass Liz (voiced by Salma Hayek), and Peg Leg Hastings (voiced by Lenny Henry).  Whoever has the most booty wins the prize.  Unfortunately for The Pirate Captain, try as he might, he hasn't won despite many attempts.  Still he and his crew are determined so they troll the seas intent on seizing as much booty as possible.

While sailing and attempting to pillage, the crew comes across a scientific expedition led by Charles Darwin (voiced by David Tennant).  Charles is amazed and fascinated when he "discovers" that Polly isn't a parrot but is in fact a dodo.  He mentions that he wants to show Polly off to scientists in London with the hopes of winning recognition and "riches beyond imagination".  The Pirate Captain is intrigued by the mention of riches and so determines to accompany Charles Darwin to the science exposition to show off Polly himself with the hopes of winning.  Charles reluctantly goes along with The Pirate Captain's scheme.  The rest of the pirate crew is unsure but supportive if it will get their beloved captain the Pirate of the Year award.  Off they go to London.

The pirate crew is nervous about going to England because Queen Victoria (voiced by Imelda Staunton) is very vocal about destroying pirates.  She has made it her mission in life to remove the pirate scourge from the world.  The Pirate Captain isn't worried because the pirates are "masters of disguise."

So begins the hare-brained scheme of a Pirate Captain and his crew to win The Pirate of the Year award.  All the while, the crew has to avoid Queen Victoria, as well as try to protect their precious Polly and each other.  When the Pirate Captain makes a disastrous mistake that costs him dearly, he must use all of his pirate skills to save Polly, get his crew back, and still hopefully win the Pirate of the Year award.

It is a cute family movie.  I found that I wasn't as amused by it as I had hoped but I don't regret watching the film either.  The pirates are all charming and endearing and Polly is adorable.

Power Rangers (2017) rated PG-13 for sequences of sic-fi violence, action and destruction, language, and some crude humor

I remember watching the first American Mighty Morphin Power Rangers show from the early 90s and I was excited when they announced that this movie would be made.  I thoroughly expected to like if not love this movie.

If you aren't familiar with the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers I would suggest that you watch at least one episode just to understand why this movie wasn't as good as it could have been.  You might find that you love the film more.  If so, that's great (no sarcasm).  If not, oh dear.

The film opens with a battle being fought on Earth during the time of the dinosaurs.  Zordon The Red Ranger (played by Bryan Cranston) hides some coins in the hopes that some future generation will discover them.  Just after hiding them, Rita Repulsa The Green Ranger (played by Elizabeth Banks) attacks Zordon.  Before either can kill or defeat the other, both are killed by a large explosion that flings Rita deep into the sea.

Fast forward to present day Angel Grove, California.  Over a brief course of time we meet a group of troubled youth including Jason (played by Dacre Montgomery), Kimberly (played by Naomi Scott), Billy (played by RJ Cyler), Zack (played by Ludi Lin), and Trini (played by Becky G).

All happen to end up at the local gold mines and find the coins that the audience observed Zordon hiding.  Jason gets the red one, Kimberly gets the pink one, Billy gets the blue one, Zack gets the black one, and Trini gets the yellow one.  Just after finding the coins the teenagers attempt to flee from the authorities who have come as a result of Billy's setting off explosives to retrieve the coins in the first place.

While fleeing the group seems to be involved in a car accident that should have at least injured if not killed some or all of them.  Instead they all wake up in their respective homes with no memory of how they got back home.  Each has their respective coin that they retrieved.

They all start to notice unusual abilities that they seem to have developed overnight.  They all go back to the mine to find out more answers and end up finding Alpha 5 (voiced by Bill Hader) who leads them to Zordon.  From both Alpha 5 and Zordon the teenagers learn that they are the new Power Rangers.  After learning this, they initially panic and flee but come back for more answers.  Then follows a montage of training to become Power Rangers.

Meanwhile Rita Repulsa has woken up and is on a mission to rebuild her golden monster Goldar.  Zordon tells the Rangers that once Goldar is revived he will attempt to destroy the world by destroying a massive orb that rests under Angel Grove.  The Power Rangers have about a week to get their crap together and become Power Rangers in order to stop Rita.

I really really wanted to like this movie more but I have a few complaints that make this difficult.  My first complaint is Trini.  She is so full of unexplained and unnecessary drama that she is actually a caricature of a teenager rather than a real teenager.  She comes from a fairly normal household and it isn't clear why she is so troubled.  The only thing that comes up is a hint that she might be struggling with her sexuality.  I can't relate to that but I can appreciate that such a struggle might be troubling depending on circumstances.  But the struggle with sexuality felt more  tacked on to make Trini more troubled rather than a genuine aspect of the character.

I was bothered that the word autism was depicted as shameful in this picture.  The characters were more comfortable talking about Trini's struggle with sexuality than talking about autism.  Neither situation is shameful in any way.  The characters all but say the word autism.  They describe it, they refer to it but refuse to use the word autism.  Why?  If anything I should think that actually stating that a character is autistic would be a good thing because A) It's bringing awareness B) how many autistic people does one come across in any movie/show? C) If I knew someone personally who had autism or had autism myself I should be glad to see a hero depicted with autism.

I had heard someone say that this movie seems to take itself too seriously and I have to agree.  It's all well and good to add their own spin to the franchise but I think that the filmmakers dropped the ball in this case.

On the plus side, I was impressed with Elizabeth Banks portrayal of Rita Repulsa.  In my opinion, her character was improved in this movie versus the original show.  She's diabolically evil.  She's actually a little scary.  I really liked that they made Rita Repulsa a former Power Ranger.  It was also a nice tie in to the original show in that the original Green Ranger started out evil but became good.

Finally, my hands down favorite part was at the end when you can clearly see some of the actors and actresses who portrayed the original Power Rangers in the crowd.  That made the movie worth watching for me.

 There's an end scene during/after the credits that hints at a possible sequel or at least references another character from the original show.

Beauty and the Beast (1991) rated G

It seems appropriate to blog a complimentary post to Beauty and the Beast 2017 version.

The film opens with a beautiful series of stained glass windows while the narrator (voiced by David Ogden Stiers) tells the audience what happened.  There was a prince (voiced by Robby Benson) who lived in a castle that was full of servants.  He was selfish and unkind.  One night during a bad winter storm, an ugly old woman knocks on the door and begs for shelter in exchange for a beautiful rose.  When the prince first refuses the woman, she warns him not to be deceived by appearances and asks him again.  After he refuses a second time, the woman transforms into a powerful and beautiful enchantress.  The prince tries to apologize but she won't hear it.  She places the castle under a curse that transforms the prince into a Beast and his servants into objects.  The rose will bloom until the prince's 21st year.  In the 21st year, the rose will start to die.  The Beast has until the last petal falls to "learn to love another and earn her love in return".  If he succeeds the spell will be broken.  If he fails, he is doomed to remain a beast for all time.  As the years pass the beast loses hope for "who could ever learn to love a beast?"

Belle (voiced by Paige O'hara) is living just outside of  a "poor provincial town" with her father Maurice (voiced by Rex Everhart).  Belle is considered strange by the townsfolk because she is beautiful and yet she seems only interested in reading books.  She also keeps to herself.  Plus her father Maurice is viewed as an eccentric because of his being an inventor.  The local town hero named Gaston (voiced by Richard White) pursues Belle because she is considered the most beautiful woman in town and he is considered the most handsome.  His loyal friend Lefou (voiced by Jesse Corti) encourages and assists Gaston in his pursuit of Belle.  Belle firmly refuses Gaston's advances but Gaston is nothing if not determined.

After successfully finishing his latest invention, Maurice excitedly leaves for the fair with their trusty horse Philippe (voiced by Hal Smith).  Maurice gets lost in the woods and ends up at The Beast's castle after Philippe leaves Maurice in the woods after getting spooked and throwing Maurice.  Once at The Beast's castle, Maurice is warmly greeted by the servants of the castle.  Shortly after settling before the fire, Maurice is confronted by the angry Beast who locks Maurice in the dungeon.

Meanwhile Philippe has returned to Belle and Belle is naturally afraid of what has happened to her father.  She rides Philippe back to The Beast's castle and finds her father in the dungeon.  As she is talking with her father to try to find out what happened, The Beast comes to the dungeon and tells Belle that Maurice is his prisoner for trespassing.  Belle bravely offers herself in place of Maurice and The Beast agrees.  After sending Maurice on his way in an enchanted but creepy carriage, The Beast leads a reluctant and sad Belle to her room.  The Beast tells Belle that she can go anywhere in the castle except for the west wing.  When Belle starts to question why, The Beast gets angry and tells her that it is forbidden.

Once at the room, The Beast tells Belle that the servants will attend her.  After some prompting from Lumiere the candelabra (voiced by Jerry Orbach), The Beast invites Belle to dinner but she angrily refuses.  The Beast forbids Belle from eating unless she eats with him.

Once The Beast has retired, Belle sneaks down to the kitchen where the servants lead by Lumiere and Mrs. Potts (voiced by Angela Lansbury) happily prepare dinner for Belle.  Afterwards Belle is taken on a tour of the castle with Lumiere and Cogsworth the clock (voiced by David Ogden Stiers).  After finding out where the west wing is, Belle sneaks away from Lumiere and Cogsworth and finds the west wing.  She is then confronted by an enraged Beast who orders her to get out.  She panics and flees the castle.

The Beast saves Belle and Philippe from wolves but gets injured in the process.  Belle helps tend to the injured Beast which causes Belle and The Beast to warm up to each other, particularly after The Beast shows Belle the treasured library at the castle.

Back at the village, Maurice tells Gaston and the villagers that Belle is being held captive by a monstrous Beast.  The villagers mock Maurice and throw him out of the pub.  Gaston gets an idea to con Belle into marrying Maurice and goes after Maurice to put his plan into motion.  Fortunately for Maurice, Maurice has left his home to try to rescue Belle on his own.

Belle and The Beast seem to be developing feelings for each other but Belle abruptly leaves one night after learning that her father Maurice has become sick on his way to rescue her.  Belle leaves with the magic mirror from the Beast.  It is at this time that The Beast realizes that he loves Belle.  The servants are thrilled that The Beast has learned to love but are saddened that Belle is leaving and doesn't seem to love him in return.

When Belle finds Maurice she takes him home to nurse him back to health.  Lefou, who has been secretly hiding on the property while waiting for Belle to return, leaves to let Gaston know that Belle has returned.  While Belle is talking with her father, she finds that Mrs. Potts' son Chip (voiced by Bradley Michael Pierce) has slipped into Belle's bag to find out why Belle left and convince her to come back.  Gaston shows up to imprison Maurice if Belle won't marry Gaston.  Belle reveals that Maurice was telling the truth about The Beast causing Gaston to rile up the townsfolk on a hunt for The Beast.  Gaston locks up Maurice and Belle and leaves with the townsfolk to kill The Beast.

At the castle, Lumiere and Cogsworth lead the charge to defend the castle against the townspeople.  Gaston sneaks past the defenders and finds The Beast in a mournful state.  He attacks The Beast but The Beast seems uninterested in defending himself.  Once Belle shows up at the castle, The Beast starts fighting back.  The Beast has an opportunity to kill Gaston but doesn't because his new found love for Belle stops him.  As The Beast is happily greeting Belle, Gaston sneaks up and stabs The Beast before falling to his death.  As The Beast lays dying Belle realizes that she loves The Beast.  The Beast is then magically restored to his Prince self while the servants are made human again.  Belle and The Prince then live happily ever after.

I loved this movie and Belle in particular because for the first time I found a princess that I felt that I could relate to.  I absolutely love books and have loved books for years.  The part where she first sees the library is exactly my reaction when I come across excellent, large libraries.  I could also relate to not fitting in to the small town that I grew up in because I was different than "the norm" where I lived.  I also loved the lesson that anyone can be loved no matter how "beastly" they are, that anyone can find someone who loves them perhaps in spite of how "beastly" or different they are.

In comparison to the 2017 Beauty and The Beast this one has a few actual risque aspects to it.  The first that comes to mind is Gaston's suggestive wink coupled with the line "Every last inch of me's covered with hair" during his song in the pub.  The second that comes to mind is Lumiere and the feather duster basically fooling around behind a curtain as she says "Oh no" in mock shock and he says "Oh yes!" in his lusty way and she continues with "I've been burned by you before" in her suggestive way.  I would also add that Gaston attacking the Beast by viciously stabbing him on screen is somewhat unexpectedly off putting in a Disney film.

My only complaint is shallow at best but I have no excuse for it.  I was disappointed by the Prince's appearance because I felt (and still feel) that he is the least attractive of the Disney princes.  I was confused as a child because I had a vague sense that he wasn't supposed to be "ugly" at least not considered ugly but I couldn't warm up to him no matter how many times I've seen this movie.  I will say that he has beautiful blue eyes at least.

Red Sonja rated PG-13 for brief nudity, violence, and some gore

I have heard of this film over the years but hadn't watched it until recently.  A friend of mine happened to have a copy on vhs and she gladly put it on.

Sonja (played by Brigitte Nielsen) is a young woman who was living peacefully with her family on their land when the evil Queen Gedren (played by Sandahl Bergman) and her guards come across Sonja and her family.  Queen Gedren lusts after Sonja and demands that Sonja come to her but Sonja refuses and fights back.  When Sonja fights back, she injures Gedren on the face.  As punishment for Sonja's refusal and injury to the queen, Sonja's family is then murdered and Sonja is brutally raped and left for dead by Gedren's guards.  A mysterious forest spirit encourages Sonja to seek revenge against Queen Gedren and Sonja goes to be trained by a master.

Some time later the audience sees a sacred tower where a magical orb is kept by the priestesses who live there.  Kendra the high priestess (played by Donna Osterbuhr) determines that the orb is too powerful and must be destroyed.  Kendra starts to destroy the orb but the tower is attacked by Queen Gedren's forces.

While the tower is under attack, one of the priestesses named Varna (played by Janet Agren) manages to escape but is injured during the course of her escape.  As the tower was being attacked the audience observed a powerfully-built man named Kalidor (played by Arnold Schwarzenegger)  riding towards the tower.  Kalidor helps Varna to safety.

Meanwhile Sonja has finished her training.  She is the best warrior and is determined to begin her quest to seek revenge against Queen Gedren.  Before she can set off on her journey Kalidor arrives and tells her that her sister Varna is dying and wishes to speak with her.  Sonja gruffly allows Kalidor to lead her to Varna where Varna tells her about the orb and what happened at the tower.  After Varna dies, Sonja goes on a quest to retrieve the orb and destroy it.  Kalidor insists on going with Sonja but Sonja refuses his assistance.  Not surprisingly, she doesn't initially trust Kalidor so she determines to do her quest on her own.

Along the way she meets and saves Prince Tarn (played by Ernie Reyes Jr) and his loyal servant Falkon (played by Paul L. Smith) and reluctantly allows Kalidor to join their party after Kalidor helps save them all in a fight with a mysterious beast.  As they continue journeying to Gedren's castle, Sonja softens towards Kalidor as she appears to be falling for him and him for her.   Sonja, Prince Tarn, and Falkon also form an attachment to each other.

Meanwhile Gedren is going crazy with power from the orb and her servants are getting nervous.  Will Sonja defeat Gedren?  Will Sonja and Kalidor get together?  Or will the orb destroy everyone?

The movie has cheesy effects that haven't stood the test of time but it's all good cheese.  Definitely worth watching whether you are a "barbarian" enthusiast or not.  Brigitte Nielsen does a good job as Red Sonja.  It's not an Oscar worthy performance but it is good.  Arnold Schwarzenegger does a good job as something of a side kick to Brigitte Nielsen.

The violence is cartoonish but might be bothersome for little ones.  The rape was as subtle as possible.  The brief nudity consists of a brief image of a topless woman.  The acting isn't great but that's part of the fun.  The costumes are wild at best and made me sympathetic to the actors.